Our Test

Well a friend of mine was broken up with friday night and so on saturday she really needed me to be there. So on Saturday Macie and I packed up and headed out to her house. I took this as an oppertunity to see how she would do with her schedule when out of the house most of the day.

And she didn't do too bad the hard part was we didn't have a place for her to take a nap. Had I brought her pack and play, I think we would have been much better off. but with all things considered I think it was an over all success and I wouldn't be afraid to be gone out of the house all day. Except that I don't trust people and when we're out we have a lot of people that like to get in her face and say how cute she is and I don't want her to get sick so we will probably still spend a lot of our day at home and only around people we know, like, and trust that if they're sick will just stay away.

over all

Over all I think we did and are doing pretty well. It definately changed our lives. The amount of stress I feel related directly to the lack of a schedule is minimal. Of course there are the daily bumps in the road and other things that I stress but knowing that when 1000 comes and she's starting to get cranky she's tired and at noon she's hungry. It has made my life a bit easier and has allowed me to be able to get a schedule myself I know the times that she is sleeping I can do homework or clean the house and when she's playing I can make phone calls, lunch and I don't have to worry that I'm not going to have enough time to get everthing done that I need to.

I am curious to see how the rest of this week and the rest of our lives are going to change. I am going to embrace change instead of letting it stress me out. Change in inevitable so we may as well roll with it.

Day Light Savings

This must be a cruel joke. Really, does God hate me this much that we have to have daylight savings. We were just getting used to our schedule and now its all kinds of messed up. Yesterday she woke up at the new time of 0630. and her naps were so off and eating was off even from the old times. It seems like every time I get on track something throws us off. Is this ever going to just work? It feels like I'm just stuck dealing... Dealing with what life throws at me. Dealing with my life falling apart. Just dealing... Instead of stopping it before it hits me.

I'm hoping that by the end of this week she is waking up at the new time of 0800 instead of the old 0800, and that everything settle's down and gets back to normal. Her naps suck right now. she's not sleeping through the night anymore. And all of this adds to my already enormous amout of stress.

keegan

So the last time keegan took Macie, I asked him when he thought he would take her again. He said that next weekend, I told him he wasn't going to take her two weeks in a row, my grandparents were going to be in town and were leaving for Texas for six months so they needed to see her. So again I asked when he would take her again, he told me this weekend. So i told him fine call me later and let me know for sure. So I have been expecting a phone call this week and when wed. came I told my lawyer that I am not going to live on 24 hours notice and if I hadn't heard from him by wed. night she wouldn't be going with him, never called... not once to tell me one way or the other. its been two weeks now since he's contacted me. How can you say you have a daughter and not call to see how she is. I really don't understand. I wish I could understand what runs through his freaking head!!

teething or illness??

Well there are many people that believe that their child is just teething when in fact the child could have an illness. Soo since my daughter has been acting a little fussy, kind of hacky, and her sleep pattern is totally different, and off from the norm, I've been wondering if she's coming down with an illness or if i should just attribute it to teething.

In the hopes of finding out what is going on with my daughter I have been looking at some books and reading on the web and I finally found something that I think may actually help!

The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry on webmd did a study of 125 babies and studied what their symptoms of teething were and if fever, and diarrhea were a norm among teething babies. The mothers of these babies did a log every day of temp and any symptom they may possibly have. When the study was over they found that there is an 8 day teething period, and most of the babies did not have any symptoms of teething and others only had symptoms in those 8 days 4 days before tooth comes through and 3 days after. They found that if a child had a fever it was never over 102 degrees and none of them had diarrhea.

This was helpful because my daughter has not had a fever she's not really showing symptoms of an illness other than a runny nose and that is a possible symptom of teething.Yet its been going on for more a few weeks now. I'm glad we're going to the Dr at the end of next week though for her checkup and I can have the Dr determine if its teething, or illness!

6 months old

Yesterday my daughter turned 6 months old! I can not believe that she is 6 months old. It seems like just last week I brought her home from the hospital. We went to DMACC on monday to have a friend of mine use her as a model for her photography portfolio. She has changed so much!
She was born with a full head of DARK brown hair. which now in her new pictures is barely there and it looks RED! Aww I can't believe it! She's gotten so big grown so much she was born at 8lbs 6oz and now is pushing 20+lbs! I just cannot believe how quickly she's grown.
She just started rolling over consistantly this last week or so. she's already starting to push up and move those legs so she'll be crawling and walking in no time. My next quest is going to be her baby book and picture albums! I've been slacking on those! Maybe I'll tackle those over break!!

teething

Why oh why must she start teething now?? We've been doing sooo well on staying with our schedule, and now her naps are 2x as long she's cranky and crabby all day and by the end of the day I just want to crash, not do homework!! Its aweful how much her attitude wears on me!

Symptoms of teething/does macie have these?

Drooling (which can lead to a facial rash) / yup
Gum swelling and sensitivity /not so much
Irritability or fussiness /ohh yeah
Biting behavior /yup
Refusing food / not really
Sleep problems /yeah
There's debate among experts over whether certain problems — like
diarrhea, fever, congestion, body rashes, and vomiting
babycenter.com/

Soo I've come to the conclusion that its either teething or she's getting sick!! Either way she goes to the dr. next Friday! We'll find out more then.

cost of a lawyer

Hiring a lawyer can be very spendy and on average an attorney can cost $125-$200 per hour. However some attorney's prefer to start by having you pay a retainer of $1000 to $4000. I think its crazy that it cost soo much, but they do go through a lot of school so its understandable but its expensive. My lawyer has reassured me on several occasions that I shouldnt let these problems take over my life. That I have a good case and that I should live my life as normal as ever.

I think that living life normally with whatever god throws my way is important. I'm trying to not let all of this effect our schedule and so far it has not.

One of the concerns I had before talking with him was that my daughter's mother is the one pushing all of this legal crap and I wanted to know if grandparental rights was something the state of iowa did a lot of and I should worry about, and he reassured me that it doesn't happen hardly at all anymore. I guess they figure if dad's a deadbeat so are his parents and if he's not the dad can take the child to visit his parents. I liked that. It made me feel better to know that if keegan doesn't get the visitation they want that his parents then can't come and try and get time of their own.

my friday

My Friday started out pretty normal; breakfast, nap, lunch, then we went with one of my friends to ankeny to get an addition to the tattoo on her foot, then we came home and hung out with auntie Tori, had a bottle, went to target, ate some more, then everyone left to go to the football game a couple hours into the game the door bell rings, its getting late and i'm not expecting anyone!! Weird it thought.....

So cautiously and carefully I opened the main door, turned on the outside light and asked the kid what he wanted.....

He was here to serve me the custody papers.

Wooohooo I thought!! Now I have no choice I have to go with the lawyer that knows the most! and I'm not sure I can really afford it! It was a wonderful way to end my week!!

Can't wait to see whats to come this week! Should be intersting....

All of this stress has had me worried sick about losing my daughter, I've been so stressed that I'm not sleeping like I need to, I'm always tired and trying to get back on track, I know that I cann't get worn down becasue then I can't be the best mom I know that I am! So I'm goin to take some time to myself and just relax! Hopefully that will help!

YAY

YAY finally something semi good this week!! I met with a lawyer this afternoon, and I really like him. I think that he is going to be very helpful and is going to fight for what I want! Now my only concern is if I can afford this lawyer...

Orr so I thought!! I recently spoke with this lawyer and he has been diagnosed with cancer, and he is going to take my case but when I go into do my mediation he most likely will not be the person there with me, he assured me that whom ever it was would be completely prepared and I would not be getting screwed which is what I worried about most. I am hopeful and going to ask that I meet with the person that is going to represent my attorney and speak with him prior to mediation. I would hate to go in and feel even more uncomfortable because I don't know my own lawyer how dumb would I look! So I'm hopeful that all will be okay and I am keeping my head up!

lawyer

Well Macie's dad brought me custody papers about 3 weeks or so ago and is proposing that he wants 50 50, or so he said...
He's a lying sack of crap, he told me he wants 50 50 custody, he doesn't he is going for full physical custody and I would get stardard visitation...
Is this boy flipping crazy!! There is no way in hell I'm giving up my daughter that I carried for 9 months, wondering each day if what they said could be true, that she could be born with downs syndrome. The baby that I care for each and every day! The baby he called a BITCH because she was sad. what on earth would make him think that any hobo let alone a judge would give him full custody!

well I hate to break it to him but am not going to let that happen!
I am going to be leaving in about 30 min to go speak with a very expensive, very good, well recommended, lawyer! I will definately let you all know how it goes! hope it goes well!!

how she's growing

Macie is a big girl! At her last appointment she was 90% for weight and 75% for height but more than just how big they say she is she grows up so fast.
Iight before her last appointment 3 months ago I was worrying becasue she hadn't rolled over yet. She rolled over twice the week before I took her so when they asked if she'd started rolling I said yes. Well those two times are the only 2 time I knew for sure she rolled over. I talked with the friend that watches Macie when I go to my on campus classes and she told me that Macie had rolled over a few times when she first started watching her.

Until yesterday!! She rolled over twice yesterday and once again today and I think she has finally figured it out!! I hope so because we go back to the dr. in just a couple weeks and I would dread to hear that she is mentally delayed.

I've read that yes every baby develops at different rates but by 6 months she should deffinately be rolling and starting to figure out how to crawl and what not. So I was becoming nervous and I will mention to her dr that she has just become consistant with rolling! But I also read that because of SIDS protection, babies are to sleep on their backs and because of that it is taking them longer to roll over so I am not too worried.

Her schedule this week

Well today is Wednesday and I am still having trouble with her napping like she had been and eating at the times we normally do. More than that she did not see me all weekend and I haven't been able to put her down hardly at all! Because every time I do she thinks I'm going to be gone a long time again. She's so young she shouldn't have to think like that! Its very frustrating to know how much she needs me and that I am going to have to allow her to be at a place she doesn't really want to be. Well at least thats how i feel!

I feel that they don't have any schedule for her and they refuse to follow the one she uses at home so she eats all day doesn't play and doesn't get to see her mommy. She is too young to remember someone she met 3, 4, 5 weeks ago. She forgets who they are by the time she goes again. I have to leave her there and as I walk out the door I hear her cry, and I burst into tears because no mom wants her child to be sad but when there's nothing you can really do about it, it breaks your heart even worse!

what she ate this weekend

Well I told Macie's grandma that I needed her to write down exactly how much she ate because I needed it for this class and she actually listened and did something I asked! It never happens! So i thought I'd compare how much she eats with me to how much she eats with them
on a typical day with me she will have 2 scoops of cereal mixed with applesauce and a little water and a 6oz bottle for breakfast, 2- 2nd foods for lunch with a 6 oz bottle an hour later, a few hours after that she'll have another 1 or 2 foods and a 6 or 8oz bottle before bed depending on how she'd eaten during the day.

While she was with grandma

Friday she was dropped of around 545 and had 1 8oz bottle at 715 and went to bed at 8pm
saturday
awake at 730
breakfast 8:00 1/4 cereal, 8oz bottle
8oz bottles at 1015,
at noon she had 1 small 1st food 1 8oz bottle
at 4 she had 1 small 1st food
800 1 8oz bottle

(not too bad, we do more food than bottle but all thing considered not too bad)

sunday
745 8oz bottle 1/4 cup cereal
1030 8oz bottle
100 2 small 1st food
200 1 8oz bottle
500 1 8oz bottle
She was home by 630 and was not able to have her bedtime bottle becasue they had given her so many earlier in the day! she was crabby and hungry for real food!!

I had told them before the amounts of food I feed her and was frustrated to see how different she'd eaten while she was there

They do not understand how quickly and dramaticly it changes our schedule, and they don't even care

my weekend

Well I do not do well when I know Macie is with her father's family. They over feed her and don't do well when she cry's, mind you she doesn't cry unless she needs something, she doesn't know who they are and is not comfortable in their home so I know she cry's the whole time she's there. Thrusday after I got done talking with her father I was very upset so I went to my friend Ben's house to cool off before going home! Because I was only given 24 hours notice all of my friends had already made plans for this weekend except for Ben, friday night, he and I hung out again Saturday I helped my mom prepare for a suprise party for one of her friends who's turning 50 and then I sat at home the rest of the night upset because I could feel in my heart how unhappy my daughter was but knew there was noting I could do so that broke my heart. Sunday was much of the same sitting staring at the clock waiting for her to get home!

This my sound pathetic but it breakes my heart to know that she is unhappy.

what a week

Thursday was just a typical day around our house. Until about 8:00 when Macie's dad txt me and wanted to talk. He wanted to tell me tell me that he'd explained the custody papers wrong and that he wanted to take her for the weekend. I asked why he wanted to have her this weekend when he works until 9pm friday 9 to 9 on sat. And 9 to 5 on sun. He took her anyways and spent max 2 hours with her the whole weekend!! Where was she if he was at work do you ask??? She was with his mother who does not like me and treats me like garbage! Yup thats right I had to leave my daughter with someone who hates me! it was horrible!

During our converstation he admitted to me he went to the Iowa Michigan game the weekend before. That ment he had to have taken at VERY least all of Saturday off but I'm guessing Sunday too because I'm sure he was drunk! That was an entire weekend he took off spent with his NEW girlfriend and never called to ask how his daughter was doing or stopped by to see her! His new gf is obviously more important than his daughter. Wow, Sad! I have a very hard time understanding why he takes her if he doensn't even really care about her which is how it feels!

ugh... sick

Well this has been a rough week I got my h1n1 flu shot this weekend and I didn't get the flu but it ruined my immune system and I now have a cold!! Woohoo lucky me. So this has been wearing down my patience emotions. My daughter, Macie, is having a hard time with the change in temperature and daylight. She's been sleeping in later and I guess thats a good thing. We're doing good at staying on our schedule we're just napping more which is good because I am not feeling good. I'm trying to make her lay on the floor and play so that she isn't by me so much. I don't want her to geet sick but she's already sneezing and crabby, some of it is her teething i think but I don't want her and I to both be sick that wouldn't be good! She is a bottle baby so she doesn't get the antibodies that I have built up in my system, so we do our best to keep the house clean and rarely does she go out into public and around a lot of people.

interesting morning

Well we had an interesting morning this morning... I ignored my alarm and Mac decided to sleep in, again. So I was almost late for class, thank god my baby sitter is really relaxed and takes it as I throw it at her. We literally rolled out of bed and into the car. No change of clothes, no breakfast, and no bottle. I'm so lucky to have such a good little girl. She didn't cry because our day was off and she didn't get to eat until 9:30 and thank god for Jo she was totally okay with me having not fed her! This was not our day to stay on schedule. Hopefully things are getting better as she's with Jo Jo. I guess we both needed a morning the sleep.

They say she should be getting about 14 hours of sleep and I guess she was a little behind this morning. I always wondered how to get her back on track after a rocky morning... So I did a little looking into it, and a few sources said that you just put them down for their regular naps a play at they regular times, and eventually they get themselves back on track.

questioning my quest

So my daughter and I have been having it rough the last few days. I believe she's teething but its still really hard and I hope it doesn't last too long. It makes for really hard long days. Its screwing with our schedule and really I'm quetioning why I'm trying to keep a schedule. Our day changes so much each day and there always seems to be one obsticale after another and it just doesnt seem to be working... I want to continue on with this quest but don't know how to do it without allowing it to take over my life. Like today I got absoultely nothing accomplished she was cranky and crabby all day and she didn't want to be held did want to lay down didn't want to play so I did nothing. She screamed and screamed all day!!!

cost of being a stay at home mom

For me there is more than just the money its about the things I get to do and the things I don't get to do. Cost can mean so many things, and I'm learning how to minimize those other costs by not letting them take over my life. According to MSNMoney the average cost of being a stay at home mom is $1 Million. When you leave the work place and become a stay at home mom you aren't just losing the income you were making you are also losing retirement savings, pension and other benefits.
I personally think this is crazy!! I mean until receintly I didn't even realize how redicalous baby clothes dipers and other baby stuff is. I got really lucky and got SOOO much stuff at baby showers that I haven't had to buy anything! Its amazing to me how easily that kind of stuff adds up. So i guess if I think about it $1 mill isn't really that far fetched.
really makes you think though, doesn't it....

how my quest is going

My quest is going pretty well. The scheduling isn't as hard as i thought it would be however her feeding has changed we now do bottles and baby food so I am trying to figure out how much bottle and how much food she needs and when she needs to be having what so I looked to the help of earthsbest.com according to their website she should be having 4-5 bottles of 6-8oz's she can also have rice cereal and pureed fruits and veggies.
ur schedule is bottle in the morning fruit and veggie for luch fruit and veggie for dinner a bottle in between and a bottle at night. They say she needs one more bottle but I think that would be too much for her so I would have to give her less food... Its all very complicated and never sure exactly what she needs. I think I am going to stay with the amounts of foods I am giving her however I need to come up with better times for her to eat because she basicly eats all afternoon and that would give me a belly ache so I can't imagine how her little tummy does it.
This week we are going to start some cereal in the morning with her wake up bottle and see what that does to her schedule.

visiting grandma and grandpa porter

Well last night was a really good night. I had a friend come over and hang out that I haven't hung out with in a really long time. It was nice to catch up with him!
However him staying so late almost cost us being late to everything today, but we weren't. She made it do daycare on time and I wasn't late to school. We had a good afternoon babysitting my favorite kids. We took Cami to meet Georgia and Alex to practice. Then we went to dinner with Grandma Sue and Grandpa Jerry!!
We haven't visited them since Macie's dad and I broke up, it is his dad and stepmom and I know that he will not take her to visit them and they still like me so I will try and do dinner with them every couple weeks!! Its probably more than she'll see her dad but thats not my fault!
Our week has been good. I think she's got a touch of ear infection so we are going to the chiropractor tomorrow and hopefully she'll be good to go after that.

lastnight

Last night was a LONG night. Macie was up at 2:00, 6:00 and finally 8:00. It is so not like her to wake up in the middle of the night so it scared the crap out of me! At 2:00 when she woke up screaming bloody murder! I'm still not sure why she had a bad night but at 6:00 when she got up again, I put her in bed with me and thought maybe she would sleep better but it didn't make that much of a difference. She's napping now and sleeping quite well, thank goodness!

I wish I could read her mind and find out why it is that she woke up, but that will never happen and I can only hope she gets back to a normal schedule and doesn't do this again tonight because I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep well between her wake up's in fear I wouldn't hear her when she did. I should probably take a nap so I'm not the cranky one all afternoon...

this weekend

I am finding that it is harder to have a strict schedule on the weekends. We go out and do things see people and when we are out and about I can't exactly put her in her bed at 10, 2 and 5. It just doesn't work like that. So I am still working on figuring out how we can have fun weekends and still have a semi normal schedule.

I read a source that said that I should avoid doing things like running errands and being out of the house during nap times but if she's not napping she's eating so that leaves no time to go do anything... Does it?? I guess I'll just have to work around her schedule a little better and she may have to work around mine too because I sit at home with her all week while everyone else I know is in school or at work, so the weekends are my time to talk to people my own age!! I desperately need that, to stay sane!

daily schedule

Today is the beginning of my quest i am finishing looking at some sources trying to come up with new things and ways of not being bored and time saving techniques. today i am focusing on macie's nap times and me spending some time with friends.

This is our daily schedule. on tuesdays and thursdays she goes to daycare and she too follows this schedule
7:30 Wake up and get ready for the day & have about 15 – 20 minutes of me time
8:00 Macie wakes up and is ready to eat
8:30 Get myself and her dressed
10:00 Macie takes a nap, homework for me
11-noon (depends on when she wakes up) hang out play time (tummy)
noon Macie eats lunch
12:30 I eat lunch
1/2 Macie takes another nap, I do homework, laundry, chores depending
the rest of our day is layed back
4:00 Macie eats again
more down time
8:00 last bottle
9:00 bed time

Tme Crunching Proposal

My Time Crunching Proposal

I am finding that being: a mother, student, daughter, sister, and friend all at once is not easy, and even harder to fit into a schedule when there are only 90 hours in a week. Right now I am not using my time each day very effectively and know that I can make my life less chaotic. I am going to try and make every minute of my day useful. I am proposing that during my 30 day quest that I set priorities and start to live a scheduled life. My life is how it is, and how it is does not work for me.
A chaotic life style causes stress and stress is one thing I do not need more of. There have been so many changes to my life in such a short amount of time and they all include more stress than I'm used to. I used to be very scheduled, with school everyday and practice till six. With all the changes to my life my schedule has gone out the window. I get up when Macie wakes up around 8:00 I feed her and we start our day of nothing. I avoid homework at all cost and we watch a lot of TV until my mom gets home. I do not have a healthy diet. I eat anything I can get my hands on, and my food choices are very unhealthy. It seems like nothing in my life is how it should be it is just a mess. My mission is to get my life in order.
I am going to start my mission by setting my priorities. My daughter is and always will be the most important thing in my life. So of course she is my number one, my second most important priority is my schooling and education. I know that by continuing with my education I will be able to be the best mom I can be and the mother that she deserves.
I am going to schedule my day, by starting to get up at the same time everyday. Each day may vary a little bit but I will get up around 7:30. This will give me enough time to get up, shower, wash bottles and get a few things done around the house while Macie is still sleeping. Getting her on a strict schedule of feedings, play times, and nap times will allow me to schedule my day accordingly and maximize my daily efficiency.
I have noticed lately that I have been putting my homework/school on the back burner. From now on I am going to be doing homework reading books and articles while Macie is playing and napping. Right now actually she is screaming her head off because she is so tired but there is nothing I can do for her. I would love to just sit and hold her but I have realized that if I hold her and she falls asleep, I won’t be able to put her down or she will wake up. So she is starting to take naps in her bed, and doing well with it. This is going to give me the chance to do homework and help clean up around the house. When I cannot get the things done that I need to I begin to start stressing over every little thing.
I need to make some time to focus on me, and relieve my stresses of the week. I am not sure yet exactly when that is going to be but I need to make time in my week for me. During this time I would include going to see my friends, hanging out, going to movies, and just being a teen. This may sound like immaturity, but to me it is important to still hang out with friends and other people so that I do not lose those relationships. Everyone needs time to themselves and with friends to not lose spirit and have a healthy balanced life.
Exercise is also another way for me to relive stress and balance my life. I am going to find 20 minutes each day to exercise just a little bit. A few crunches and push ups before bed and maybe when I get up in the morning to get my day going. I have also found a running program that starts off very slow and each week you increase the amount of time you are running. I think it will be gradual enough that it won’t ware me out and give me a little bit more energy. I don’t want to do anything too difficult but just enough to give off some endorphins, and increase my over all physical health.
My life how it is does not work for me. I am going to take my own advice with the scheduling, priorities and me time. I believe that if I can stick to this plan it will help me in so many aspects of my life. My life at the end of this month is going to be so much different, much less chaotic, and less stressful. This is my quest.